The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

baseballchurch
It is time for Spring Training, and all across the American sports landscape, excitement steadily grows because baseball is back for another season!
You might not know it, but the relationship between baseball and the church is a deep one…
    – Early stadiums were once known as Green Cathedrals.
    – In both, crowds find their minds wandering during middle inning pitch counts and over-repetitive worship lyrics.
   –  And today, Cubs fans are entering month five of living-up to God’s miraculous response to their prayers.
With such a close connection between the Church and the Game, here are 22 ways church services would be better if they were more like a baseball game:
  1. announce attendance count just prior to sermon
  2. lucky number giveaway in bulletin on preschool volunteer ad
  3. costumed apostle-races instead of forced-prayer while worship leader capo-segues
  4. statistic keeping for sermon points: home runs, expository errors, thoughts left on base
  5. near-constant “adjustment” by skinny-jeans-wearing worship pastor
  6. sunflower seed spitting from deacons on front row
  7. senior pastor can pull youth minister during mid-announcement rambling and call groups pastor in from bullpen
  8. three words: ice cream helmets
  9. skyboxes with TVs so members can flip over to Joel Osteen, Charles Stanley or CBS Sunday Morning
  10. play-by-play radio broadcast option for purists
  11. parking passes guaranteeing best spots up close
  12. dizzy offering plate races for ushers
  13. t-shirt cannon (protestant churches only)
  14. seventy-ith minute stretch with hymn sing-along
  15. communion element hawkers roving up and down the aisle
  16. baptism excitement magnified by crowd doing the wave
  17. no more artificial turf on senior adult men or the executive pastor
  18. organ sound effects when pastoral jokes don’t land
  19. last call on communion wine before doxology and closing prayer
  20. sell ad-space on the baptistry wall
  21. new “retro” sanctuary design featuring hard wooden pews, teal carpet and big golden chandeliers
  22. real-time scoreboard with other local church attendance and giving stats, ranked city-wide

 

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